The Custodian of Paradise

 The Custodian of Paradise by Wayne Johnston

This is the story of Sheila Fielding, who struggles with questions about who she is and where she fits but determinedly lives on her own terms without apology or excuse. She's beautiful, intelligent, and fierce, and often her own worst enemy. At 6 '4" with a crippled leg she is stared at and sometimes mocked for her physical appearance, but it's her emotional handicaps, created by a life starved of all affection, that keep her angry and unable to form relationships. Her sharp tongue and sometimes cruel wit keep everyone at a distance.

In many ways she's symbolic of Newfoundland itself. One reviewer described them both as "huge, beautiful, with an unknown heart and a drinking problem." Her independence and solitude are so like Newfoundland's that it's hard to separate one from the other, or determine which is the main character. Sheila, too, is stormy and full of contradictions, and utterly fascinating.  

My book club read this a while back and reactions to Sheila were varied and strong. Some disliked her, some felt pity for her, others didn't know what to make of her at all. Whatever opinion you form of her, Sheila Fielding will get into your head, under your skin and maybe even a little into your heart. 

I've struggled to find words for my thoughts about this book, probably because it didn't leave me thinking so much as feeling. It's an unlikely story, but reading it is an intense experience that leaves you unable to simply argue it away as improbable. Sheila's pain, her agonizing emptiness, hurts to read. It has haunted me. But as hard as it was to get through parts of it, I loved it in there between the covers of this book. When I read Wayne Johnston's books, or Michael Crummey's, I'm homesick for Newfoundland for weeks after - homesick for a place I've never lived. That's good writing. 

And Sheila Fielding - she's why it's important to read fiction.