What Am I Thankful For?

I'll admit that today I'm having a difficult time feeling thankful. The night before last it was 6 am before I fell asleep; last night I went to bed with high hopes that I'd sleep just from sheer exhaustion but I watched the sky lighten in the window and was still awake at 8 am. My eyes feel gritty and I'm in a fog and aching all over but I think it's times like these that it's especially critical to count one's blessings so that discouragement doesn't take over as it very much wants to do.

What I'm thankful for today is that as I age it gets easier to admit things like this. I'm not so concerned as I used to be about what people will think of me. Things get simpler and clearer as the years go by, making it easier to figure a lot of things out. I used to wonder why I didn't like gardening - it seemed like any decent person should like growing things - but now it's come down to one simple fact: I hate dirt. I don't like it on my hands or under my nails and I no longer see it as a reflection of my character but just as a personality trait, and I don't feel guilty about it anymore.

The years have also changed my thinking about books. Not finishing a book used to be nothing short of a failure in my mind but I've gotten quite comfortable with the concept in the past couple of years. As someone at my book club said: life is too short to read books you aren't enjoying. It was a struggle for me - a pride thing - to admit that I had "quit" a book but as you can see from my "Books I Didn't Finish" page, I'm getting over it.

There are lots of difficult things about aging, but there are good things too, and one of the best is knowing yourself better and being ok with who you are, what you like and what you just don't want to bother with.